We almost lost The Gummer today. She isn't sick or anything. There was just a moment when the Gummer and I stood on a precipice, and I wanted to whack the crap out of her like on that fencing game in Wii Resort. As you can see from the transcripts, I was completely justified:
Setting: Living room around 9:30 pm. Jack is telling The Gummer goodnight. She has just awakened from "The Snooze During the News".
Jack: Grandma, I want to take you out to eat at Olga's for Mother's Day. I will wear a tie but not a tuxedo.
(The Gummer pauses. She looks at me and begins to speak TO ME, as though it was some sort of aside that was inaudible to the small child who was right in front of her FACE.)
Gummer: I am going to my friend's house.
Laura: (I don't actually have any lines. I just had lazer eyes and an internal monologue which included the word "no" and some...accessories. What, is she sixteen and wants to go hang out with her friends? More lazer eyes. I'm getting so much practice in, and Jack is only six.)
The problem was solved very quickly. She just clicked into her Zen state and, by the power of "Damn it, Lah-rie!", the need to prioritize was made evident. She is only acting like she is mad at me now, because it's much easier to blame me than it is to go apologize to a small child (especially when "Everybody Loves Raymond" is on.)
Okay, so now back to the Chronicles:
On April 14, I posted "Spring Cleaning with Grandma". It ended like this:
"On the side of the house, there is a metal trash can which has not been moved since last summer. We walk to the trash can, and I remove the lid. “This is potting soil.”
The story of TomatoGate takes places over a three month period from April to June of 2010. During that time, the pressure between us was building up, and, inevitably, it exploded that June. (And, hell yeah, it exploded like a little tomato. This story has tomatoes coming out of the woodwork.)
Anyway, so, if you were reading this in book form, you would read "Spring Cleaning with Grandma" and then it would flash back into the three events that make up TomatoGate and then some weird posh children would find a secret passageway through a wardrobe and then run around in an attic and have giant heads and all. (That's from "Flowers in the Attic and the Wardrobe and the Rye". It has nothing to do with TomatoGate. I digress.)
TomatoGate will be posted in, I don't know, slices
TomatoGate will be posted in parts on Friday. It's too long for one post.
Next: TomatoGate, Part I: The Topsy Turvy Tomatapocolypse
Setting: Living room around 9:30 pm. Jack is telling The Gummer goodnight. She has just awakened from "The Snooze During the News".
Jack: Grandma, I want to take you out to eat at Olga's for Mother's Day. I will wear a tie but not a tuxedo.
(The Gummer pauses. She looks at me and begins to speak TO ME, as though it was some sort of aside that was inaudible to the small child who was right in front of her FACE.)
Gummer: I am going to my friend's house.
Laura: (I don't actually have any lines. I just had lazer eyes and an internal monologue which included the word "no" and some...accessories. What, is she sixteen and wants to go hang out with her friends? More lazer eyes. I'm getting so much practice in, and Jack is only six.)
The problem was solved very quickly. She just clicked into her Zen state and, by the power of "Damn it, Lah-rie!", the need to prioritize was made evident. She is only acting like she is mad at me now, because it's much easier to blame me than it is to go apologize to a small child (especially when "Everybody Loves Raymond" is on.)
Okay, so now back to the Chronicles:
On April 14, I posted "Spring Cleaning with Grandma". It ended like this:
"On the side of the house, there is a metal trash can which has not been moved since last summer. We walk to the trash can, and I remove the lid. “This is potting soil.”
The Gummer and I both know it’s more than just potting soil. It’s a crime scene. What happened with that trash can is a story for another day."
The story of TomatoGate takes places over a three month period from April to June of 2010. During that time, the pressure between us was building up, and, inevitably, it exploded that June. (And, hell yeah, it exploded like a little tomato. This story has tomatoes coming out of the woodwork.)
Anyway, so, if you were reading this in book form, you would read "Spring Cleaning with Grandma" and then it would flash back into the three events that make up TomatoGate and then some weird posh children would find a secret passageway through a wardrobe and then run around in an attic and have giant heads and all. (That's from "Flowers in the Attic and the Wardrobe and the Rye". It has nothing to do with TomatoGate. I digress.)
TomatoGate will be posted in,
TomatoGate will be posted in parts on Friday. It's too long for one post.
Next: TomatoGate, Part I: The Topsy Turvy Tomatapocolypse
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